Bob Sullivan

I’ve been saying for a while that the two halves of my journalism career — consumer protection and cybersecurity — are merging together.  I will tell anyone who listens that poor customer service is our greatest cybersecurity vulnerability. Consumers often trust criminals more than the institutions designed to protect them. and when you listen to some customer service interactions, that’s not as surprising as it sounds.

So this month, I’m sharing a story we covered on The Perfect Scam podcast, which I host for AARP.  It makes clear that the consequences of unpatched vulnerabilities, including inadequate customer service, can be deadly. On the other hand, I want those of you who work to protect people to hear this story as a reminder that what you do is incredibly important and valuable and….sometimes a matter of life or death.  Keep that in mind on the hard days.

This month, we interviewed an adult daughter and son whose father took his own life after becoming embroiled in a crypto/romance scam.

“When he had to accept that this is a world where this happened, he was no longer able to be in this world,” his daughter told me.

As I interviewed Dennis’ children, I really connected with him. He was a single dad; he encouraged his son to join multiple rock bands (even when they were terrible, I was told). Dennis even spent years photographing his son making music.  And today, he’s a successful musician. Dennis spent summers at the lake in Minnesota with his daughter and her kids.

He was a great guy who wanted one more bit of love, affection, excitement, and purpose in his life. He thought he’d found that with Jessica, and with crypto. He wasn’t looking to get rich. He was looking to leave something for his family.

Instead, every dollar he had saved to that point in his life was stolen. And when the very last dollar was gone, the criminals talked him through opening up an LLC so he could borrow more money, which they stole.  Even after the kids lovingly stepped in, and dad was persuaded he’d been defrauded, he still believed in Jessica. He figured she was a victim, too.  And whoever Jessica was, Dennis was probably right. As we’ve chronicled before, many scam callers are victims of human trafficking, forced to steal money online against their will.

And when Dennis just couldn’t wrap his head around everything that had happened, he ended his life.

“I heard a story of someone in a book, and the way it was talked about in that story was knowing that he took his own life, but also feeling like he was killed by a crime,” his daughter told me.

(This story and accompanying podcast include extensive discussion of suicide. If you or someone you love is in crisis, call 9-8-8, a free hotline staffed by professionals who can provide immediate help.)

Readers of my newsletter know this is not the first time I’ve talked about the scam/suicide connection. Last year we told the story of Kathy Book, who survived a suicide attempt and bravely talked with me about her experience. The stakes for scams have risen so much in the past couple of years, even since I started working on The Perfect Scam. I’m hardly the only one who thinks so. 

Also, please don’t be fooled into thinking this malady impacts only the elderly. Everyone can be a victim under the right circumstances. The pain, fear and shame of being a victim have driven many to contemplate self-harm, often with tragic results. Teenagers.  Women.  Anyone. 

Look, nobody wants to have this conversation.  I will be eternally grateful to Laura and Matt for speaking to me about their father — all because they want to help others. I can’t imagine how difficult that was for them, and what a gift it is to the rest of us. I can assure you I don’t want to talk with any more family members about their loved ones’ pain, suffering, and suicide.  And I know I sound like a broken record when I talk about scams being more sophisticated, more prevalent, and more dangerous.  But please, talk with one person you love about the dangers posed by crypto, and online dating, and online job hunting, and even online games. Tell them the Internet is full of liars who know how to say something to stir their our and make us click on something we’d “never” click on, or do something we’d “never” do.  It’s ok to repeat yourself.

But most of all, be a person that can be talked to under any circumstances. Cultivate a non-judgemental, open spirit so they know you can be trusted. Tell them that no matter how bad things might suddenly seem — an IRS audit, an arrest warrant, accusations of child pornography — they can always talk with you, there’s always another way.

If you’d like,  listen to this week’s episode, Suicide After a Scam: One Family’s Story.  Especially if you still have that nagging feeling like, “This could never happen to me or anyone I know.”